Dear Fairy Godmother
A friend has just achieved the dream that I have for myself and I’m so jealous!
All the pieces are falling into place for him, all the pieces I want for myself. And they’ve come to him so effortlessly (he even prides himself on being “lazy” — go figure!)
I know I should be generous spirited about this and that it’s ugly to feel anything else, but I am not generous spirited here. I am envious as hell! I don’t wish him well. I’m jealous of his success, his ease, his luck, his good looks, his fabulous home etc. etc. etc.
When I think about his achievement, I feel as if the life is being sucked out of my dreams for my own achievements. He’s so much further ahead, years and years ahead of me. Perhaps I just don’t have the talent and he does? How will I come up with anything resembling a good idea along with the time, determination, vision and courage to get something down? It feels hopeless!
Firstly I can SO relate. I read your email and giggled to myself because I have had moments like these too. Your writing could have been the voice inside my head! Your thoughts are normal and I thank you for being so honest and authentic with your question.
So what to do about this jealousy?
The quickest way to get it “out” of your system is to have a “tantrum”. Yep! A tantrum as an adult! Remember when you were 4 years old and your sister got something you wanted, what did you do? You had a tantrum, right? You yelled, kicked screamed and flailed your arms around. But now as an adult, you smile through gritted teeth and say “well done” and you don’t express the emotion. I’m not suggesting that you express this emotion in front of the person you are jealous about… or even in front of your nearest and dearest.
Here’s what to do:
Go into your bedroom and lock the door (if anyone’s home tell them that strange noises may come from the bedroom but not to be alarmed) Lie with your back flat on the bed. Knees bent. Feet on the bed. Clench your fists. And now start your tantrum – beat your fists as hard as possible alternatively on the bed. Stamp your feet too if you want. Move your torso from side to side and your head too all the time shouting AAAAAAHHHHHAAAAA. Focus on the object that you are jealous about… let all that frustration, anger and jealousy and competitiveness spew out of you with the AAAAHHHHHAAAA’s. Keep doing this until you feel utterly spent. If you start crying during this process let the tears fall and keep crying until all the tears are done. Keep doing the tantrum until every last bit of that jealousy emotion is out.
Once you’re done and all the raw emotion is out, not only will you feel much better, but you’ll also find a sense of calm and peace and you’ll be able to create and manifest again from that space.
If you are feeling really brave, once you have done the tantrum exercise, meet-up with your friend and share authentically with him how jealous you are about his success and ask him for his help and support in helping you achieve a similar dream and goal. Enroll him in becoming a supporting cast member and keeping you accountable to your dream.
Good luck Daring Dreamer and let me know how it goes!
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