Part 2 – Overcoming your Fears

Part 1 of this post highlighted the 7 Deadly Fears that stop us from living our dreams.
If you are under attack by one of these fears, how would you know?  How would you know that you are in fear?

Due to the stealthy nature of these fears, you would probably not feel or even sense any physical changes that would indicate the presence of fear.  It is only when we are in heightened states of fear that we get the sweaty palms, the beating heart and the physical symptoms of fear.    The only way to catch these fears and to detect their lurking is to recognize that you are NOT TAKING ACTION.  If you are not taking action in line with your dreams and goals, then you are in FEAR.

NOT TAKING ACTION = FEAR

In fact PROCRASTINATION is just a nice long word for fear!

There is an exercise for fear that thousands of people, who have attended my workshops, now use to step through their fears and into action.

The first step is to become aware that you are in fear.  If you have read part 1 of this post, the signs of fear will be more apparent.    When you are doing all those trivial little bits and pieces so that you avoid making that important phone call – then you are in fear.   When you go to fridge and spend an hour baking a cake and then eating it, so that you don’t have time to write that proposal – then you are fear.  If you go out partying with your friends or sit and watch three hours of meaningless television instead of doing the paper work required to form a new company – then you are in fear.   Lethargy, distraction, procrastination and busy-ness are all great cover-ups for fear.

Once you are aware that you are not taking action then you go down the list of fears to determine which fear it is that is prevalent and is preventing you from moving forward.

Once you have determined the fear that is creating the inertia (and it may be a combination of two or three of these fears).  Then you do the written exercise below

What action am I not taking?

What is the underlying fear(s)?

If I take this action

What is the best thing that can happen?

What is the worst thing that can happen?

You must do this as a written exercise.  If you try to do it in your mind instead of writing it all down, the fear inside your head, will try to rationalise and persuade you that the fear is perfectly justifiable.   Once you have done it as a written exercise you will notice that the worst thing that can happen is never as bad as the fear that you feel and often the worst thing that can happen is the current status quo.

Do you have any tips for overcoming fear – please share them with us, so that we can all learn from each other and can conquer our fears.

Overcome your fears, get into ACTION and start living your dreams.  You know you can do it – jump over your fear and DO IT NOW!

Part 1 – Naming the Fears

The biggest deterrent to taking the actions that are necessary to live our dreams is FEAR. 

There are 7 deadly fears that stop us from living our dreams and if you want to fly in life rather than crawl, then mastering these fears is a MUST!

There are two main types of fear - there is rational fear and irrational fear.
The cold, hard, steel barrel of a gun is pressed against your forehead, your heart racing , your adrenaline pumping and you are in a heightened state of fear – this is rational fear.  Rational fear is when your survival is actually in threat, when you are in a situation that is on the hairline between life and death.  Every other fear that we have is completely irrational and exists only in the mind and not out in reality. Irrational fear is incredibly clever at trying to maintain the status quo and keep us away from ‘perceived’ threats to our ego’s survival rather than our physical survival.

There are 7 irrational fears that are deadly assassins of dreams. 

They are

1.    The fear of the power of authority or not fulfilling the wishes of authority

This fear is why the police work in some countries and don’t in others.   In South Africa the fear of the authority of law is not present amongst the criminal element and so they continue to take the action of committing crime.

2.    The fear of not knowing enough

This fear stops many people from following their dreams.  Some dreamers wish to start their own businesses but get paralysed before they even begin because they are concerned that they don’t know enough.  They spend time laboriously writing 100 page business plans because they believe that it is a good way to gain knowledge before starting.  The truth is that if you have a dream or a vision to do something then you have the ability to do it.  We are never sent vision or dreams of things that we can’t accomplish.  You may be stretched to reach your dream, but you will never be able to hold a vision of something that is unattainable.  The adage of “if you can dream it, you can do it” is absolute

3.    The fear of Failure

The threat of failure strikes terror into the hearts of people wanting to live their dreams and then because of this fear the person does not take action and so they sit in a world of failure anyway.  The paradox of success is that the only way to reach your dreams is to fail.  Somehow in a school system with rules of right and wrong we were taught that failure is bad and wrong.  If this is your take on failure then it is time to shift your perception and your view of failure to ensure that it doesn’t stop you from pursuing your goals.  (I will be writing more about ‘How to deal with Failure’ in a future Blog Post!)

4.    Fear that I won’t make enough money

The fear of bills stacked up at the end of the month and no funds in your bank account may be the convenient excuse that your small self uses to keep you in a job that you hate, with colleagues you despise and living a routine life of boredom.

Now examine your life and tell the truth. No matter what the circumstances you have always managed to get by. Somehow when it comes to money and what you need, you have always made a plan to survive.  Perhaps not thrive, but you have always survived.   So why do you think that living the life of following your dreams will be any different?

5.    The fear of losing the respect of a loved one

This was one of my major fears in becoming a Fairy Godmother. I was really concerned about how my mother would react to my creatively outlandish dream of becoming a modern-day fairytale character.

6.    The fear of rejection by society

This fear ripples out beyond the close circle of family, friends and acquaintances.   This fear is one where you are concerned about society as a whole.  This fear keeps Muslim women from venturing out without a male escort in Arab countries.    This fear has seen gay people hide their authentic selves in the proverbial closet because of the anti-gay sentiment prevalent until a few decades ago.   Bill Cosby has a beautiful quote that highlights the absurdity of this fear. He said “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

7.    The fear of ill health or lack of physical wellbeing

This fear is one of the reasons I have not yet strapped a parachute to my back and hurled myself out of a small plane circling thousands of feet above the earth.  I am worried about the SPLAT.    People who do adrenaline sports do not have this fear and consequently push themselves and their bodies through the envelope of possibility to kiss the beautiful rush that comes from moving beyond fear.

Now that you have become aware of these different types of fears that exist – which ones can you relate to?  There are probably two or three that really resonate for you – these are the fears that stop you.    I would love to hear from you as to how some of these fears show up in your life and stop you – comment below.

Next week you will be able to read Part 2 on how to Overcome these Fears!

Samarie Smith from Die Burger recently attended a Dream Mapping and Goal Setting Workshop and then afterwards interviewed me, the Fairy Godmother. She asked some thought provoking questions and so I thought it would be great to blog the questions and answers to provide valuable tips to pursuing your dreams.

SS: What is dreaming and why should we dream?

FGM: Dreaming is the most powerful tool for creating your life – it is the time when you let your imagination wander, you get in touch with your desires, you get in touch with your soul and then you begin to see images in your mind’s eye of how you would like those desires to be fulfilled in reality. The reason why we should spend time dreaming is because everything that exists in reality is actually created twice – first as a dream in our minds and then secoundly out in reality. Everything that is and has ever been created starts with a dream, it is really the beginning of the act of creation.

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