The 7 Deadly Fears
Posted on November 20, 2008
Part 1 – Naming the Fears
The biggest deterrent to taking the actions that are necessary to live our dreams is FEAR.
There are 7 deadly fears that stop us from living our dreams and if you want to fly in life rather than crawl, then mastering these fears is a MUST!
There are two main types of fear – there is rational fear and irrational fear.
The cold, hard, steel barrel of a gun is pressed against your forehead, your heart racing , your adrenaline pumping and you are in a heightened state of fear – this is rational fear. Rational fear is when your survival is actually in threat, when you are in a situation that is on the hairline between life and death. Every other fear that we have is completely irrational and exists only in the mind and not out in reality. Irrational fear is incredibly clever at trying to maintain the status quo and keep us away from ‘perceived’ threats to our ego’s survival rather than our physical survival.
There are 7 irrational fears that are deadly assassins of dreams.
They are
1. The fear of the power of authority or not fulfilling the wishes of authority
This fear is why the police work in some countries and don’t in others. In South Africa the fear of the authority of law is not present amongst the criminal element and so they continue to take the action of committing crime.
2. The fear of not knowing enough
This fear stops many people from following their dreams. Some dreamers wish to start their own businesses but get paralysed before they even begin because they are concerned that they don’t know enough. They spend time laboriously writing 100 page business plans because they believe that it is a good way to gain knowledge before starting. The truth is that if you have a dream or a vision to do something then you have the ability to do it. We are never sent vision or dreams of things that we can’t accomplish. You may be stretched to reach your dream, but you will never be able to hold a vision of something that is unattainable. The adage of “if you can dream it, you can do it” is absolute
3. The fear of Failure
The threat of failure strikes terror into the hearts of people wanting to live their dreams and then because of this fear the person does not take action and so they sit in a world of failure anyway. The paradox of success is that the only way to reach your dreams is to fail. Somehow in a school system with rules of right and wrong we were taught that failure is bad and wrong. If this is your take on failure then it is time to shift your perception and your view of failure to ensure that it doesn’t stop you from pursuing your goals. (I will be writing more about ‘How to deal with Failure’ in a future Blog Post!)
4. Fear that I won’t make enough money
The fear of bills stacked up at the end of the month and no funds in your bank account may be the convenient excuse that your small self uses to keep you in a job that you hate, with colleagues you despise and living a routine life of boredom.
Now examine your life and tell the truth. No matter what the circumstances you have always managed to get by. Somehow when it comes to money and what you need, you have always made a plan to survive. Perhaps not thrive, but you have always survived. So why do you think that living the life of following your dreams will be any different?
5. The fear of losing the respect of a loved one
This was one of my major fears in becoming a Fairy Godmother. I was really concerned about how my mother would react to my creatively outlandish dream of becoming a modern-day fairytale character.
6. The fear of rejection by society
This fear ripples out beyond the close circle of family, friends and acquaintances. This fear is one where you are concerned about society as a whole. This fear keeps Muslim women from venturing out without a male escort in Arab countries. This fear has seen gay people hide their authentic selves in the proverbial closet because of the anti-gay sentiment prevalent until a few decades ago. Bill Cosby has a beautiful quote that highlights the absurdity of this fear. He said “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
7. The fear of ill health or lack of physical wellbeing
This fear is one of the reasons I have not yet strapped a parachute to my back and hurled myself out of a small plane circling thousands of feet above the earth. I am worried about the SPLAT. People who do adrenaline sports do not have this fear and consequently push themselves and their bodies through the envelope of possibility to kiss the beautiful rush that comes from moving beyond fear.
Now that you have become aware of these different types of fears that exist – which ones can you relate to? There are probably two or three that really resonate for you – these are the fears that stop you. I would love to hear from you as to how some of these fears show up in your life and stop you – comment below.
Next week you will be able to read Part 2 on how to Overcome these Fears!
15 comments
Are you suggesting that in order to attain our dreams we should, like the criminals, not be afraid of authority, and become purpetrators of crime in order to reach our dreams?
What is your point in The fear of the power of authority or not fulfilling the wishes of authority
ths simply means that you should respect authority not be fearful of it and secondly not to simply disregard it by being a criminal. Respect for authority( could mean parents, police, bosses etc) still gives you the space to think independently, unlike fear which paralyses you and leads you to think what someone in authority might want you to do with your life.
Hi Anon and Kgaugelo
Anon – thanks for a good question. And Kgaugelo thanks for doing a great job of answering it for me! Wanna be a Fairy Godmother?
Wishes and Magic
Donna
P.S. Serendipity!
I first came across your daring business thruogh the Destiny Magazine and I must just say that I am TRULY INSPIRED by your work. I have been dreaming of becoming a life coach and a motivational speaker for over a year now but I’ve done nothing about it because of the fear that I’m too young and that I don’t know enough about this field. The fear of not being able to make a living from my desired pathway has also been a crippling factor for me. This article has brought me a step closer to getting out of the safety of my boat and to venturing onto the water! Please continue to spread your much needed magic!
Hi TanDelicious
Just GO FOR IT!!!!!
So pleased that the site made a diffeence for you!
Wishes and Magic
Donna (aka. the Fairy Godmother)
P.S. Serendipity
I am busy dealing with all 7 fears right now. I have got to the point that my body is shutting down because of it. Dr has put me on medication for ulsers flu and panic attacks this last week. I am under 30 years old. I should be enjoying my life. This article has really made alot of sense to me and put many things in perspective. Putting things into practice is another story all together though.
I have the fear of not knowing enough.I am buzy starting my own bussiness,but getting opsiticles were I do not know what to do.Does that meen that it is un realistic to start this bussness?If I a am for instance a shoe make sould I know all about shoes?
Hi Donna
Since your talk at OMAPA a year ago, I have considered, thought, re-considered, and finally TAKEN A STEP! Although I’ve always wanted my own business (and even have the skills required, big surprise), I’ve always been to scared to do anything… Meeting you and learning more about your fantastic journey has inspired me to take the first step on my own journey to fulfilling my dreams – PS congrats on the book launch, let me know when we can start on the second one
I’ve learn’t fear can be the biggest stumbling block in your business.
Fear holds you back from dreaming.
Oooooh…. those 7 dam thingss that get in the way. Having had a great week last week, the last few days I have fallen into the trap of points 2,3,4 and 6. On sitting down to my computer now and having this email pop up – is just what I needed to be reminded of. Thanks Donna
I’ve been troubled by 1 & 4. For me, the power of authority that will be unleashed when I live my dreams is overwhelming at times. There are times when I feel that a ‘dash’ of that power has just rushed through my veins and someone is trying to tell ‘there’s more where that came from’.
With no. 4, I realised that I cannot find out how much money I’ll make until I try. I will not limit my bank balance because of fear…
The community’s support plays an important role in the transition from my comfort zone to ‘real’ living. Although the transition is not easy, I’ve resolved that I am the passport to living my dreams!
The fear of success is my biggest fear, I know if I get where I want to be to many things will change that will lead to me making other scary changes in my life, I know that I am exceptionally capable and that I can move mountains, as I move them daily but to get to the peak of the mountain is what really challenges me. Any hints on peaking?
Oageng – thanks for your feedback on the fears that ‘trip you up’. I am SO pleased to have you apart of the Fairy Godmother Communtiy to help and support you in living your dreams and achieving success and I am SO pleased you are finding it inspiring and useful.
Lynn – the fear of success is very similar to the fear of failure… you need to ask yourself…(and I recommend journalling the answers to these)
What does success look like to me?
When I am successful the worst thing that will happen is….
I can’t be successful because….
Successful people are…..
Just write down your thoughts in free-flowing writing, eg. whatevr comes to mind. When you cgo through this exercise it will help you to uncover why “reahcing the peak” or success is so scary for you…
I think I heard of this site on Khaya or Metro a few weeks back browsing local stations – pretty sure I’ve seen Fairy Godmother somewhere else.
I think I went from a situation of total independence to one of total dependence. I not sure not sure that’s entirely correct, although I’m leaning on the idea that I may have been blissfully unaware of how important some sort reward system was. I find that in the absence of such a system or environment, I’m stuck really. I just don’t know what to do. And having an independent mindset has me not wanting to burden others too much with my own troubles. I know that I’m worth a whole lot more. Having difficulty sparking some sort of fire that I could believe in. Thanks
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